Jar of Dreams

Catch a falling star & put it in your pocket, save it for a rainy day. Catch a falling star & put it in your pocket, never let it fade away.

Just as a star loses it's glow...so do our dreams.

Ever wonder if you only catch that little piece of heaven & put it in a jar, not so much your pocket...but a jar & perhaps, it will never ever fade away?

Lovely thought, lovely to think something so beautiful & mystical can last forever.

As we all for centuries have looked to the Heaven's for the magical night's sky & all it's flickering splendor & cast our wishes upon them when they fall from the milky way. A star? A massive, luminous sphere of plasma held together by gravity? Cast our wishes upon them as if they will someday come true? Silly, so it seems? Yes, but just as we all pray within our hearts, we all hope for a mystical force to intervene & bring us our hopes, dreams, and deepest desires & deliver them to us in one magical streak across the sky & land on a silver platter with a fanciful bow wrapped around it..."POOF! Your dreams!"

Just like that.....

If only?

One might say, as we pray or ponder upon our dreams, that dreams are made real. With positive thinking & meditating upon them, that we can will them to life.

One would hope...one would "dare to dream".

Capture your dreams, put them in a jar, and save them for a rainy day.
Place them in a jar, make it special & make it yours to open & dare to make them real. Dare to open it & read them when you are feeling at your worst, or your best. Be brave enough to make it a life's plan to bring them to fruition. If anything, they will either bring a bittersweet tear for times when you sought refuge in wanting something so badly, that you placed it in a jar to dare to dream, in hopes to make it real. Or perhaps, it will make you smile, when you think how you once gave something so much power over you, that it enveloped you like a dark cloud & made it rain upon your soul & fill you with sadness.

Once more, even take your anger & pain & cast them into a jar as well...as that is where it belongs.
We give our desires a power over us.
Let us take them instead & capture them like falling stars & save them for a rainy day.
Dare to dream, make it big...and dare to make them real.

Let go & let God.

and never ever fade awayyyyyyyyyyyy.................

~For my beautiful, big sister Julie~

Life...life as we know it!

Did you ever stop to think?

Think about every small, infinitesimal decision we make in our everyday lives? I do...I have the heavy burden this last year of my life, of what most wish for & never get, ''too much time on my hands''. Too much time to cry, to retrace the tiniest of steps in my life & wonder how or when I fell off track.

Burdened by the heavy heartedness weighing on my soul. The rebirth of the shell of a woman my life's biggest mistake left me as. The digging through the muck & mire he left within my heart...to clear out the corners, the recesses, and find the fighter, the warrior within, the proud...YES, PROUD ORSINI girl I was brought up to be. To bare witness to what I have seen, what myself & my child have endured, confessions I have heard, moments that replay in my mind like a broken record...a record I would love to smash into oblivion & cast upon a fire, moments that play out like scenes from a dramatic film, the kind on the Lifetime network that seem so tragic & made up...and ''I'' am the UNIMAGINEABLE LEAD actress. Still...still I have the strength & courage to realize I must prevail for the sake of my precious little boy, my son, and yes...for myself as well. I cannot, will not be broken down. I will not sit back, lie down & take it, no longer will I be placed in submission to have his reign of terror & web of lies & deceit be forced down my throat.

There is a God...he knows all, hears all, and I know that my prayers do not, and will not fall upon deaf ears.

It will all be said an done...and the piper will be paid at Heaven's gates.

So, back to my original train of thought. ''Life...life as we know it!'' In a nutshell, so to speak...as if life itself can fit in the shell of a nut?

So, once there was a little girl, born unto a family...last of five...the tiny miracle who sat in an incubator. Raised with love, hopes, dreams, and given strength & wings to fly.

Somewhere, in her small tiny little life...she would never be able to grasp the importance of what decisions await her in her life ahead.

One can say that our lives & choices that we make in them can be retraced...back into our youth, how we were raised, whom & what we were exposed to.

I can retrace my steps, cast blame upon someone else, but I know...know that I have no one to blame but myself. My decisions were made whole heartedly, with hopes that I chose correctly. My hopes were shattered brick by brick, bit by bit. The one thing I trusted so blindly...my heart, refused to work with my mind. I made fear based decisions, with weak foundations. The artist, the trusting girl with the innocent heart...the girl who loved a challenge...and to fix things. You cannot fix what is already broken to bits. You cannot dust off a fossil of feces & find a diamond. A diamond in the rough is still just a rock...you can polish it, add facets & place it in a fancy setting...but it is still...JUST A ROCK.

But I digress...

Life...as we know it! Dreams, hopes, happy times, sad times, bad times...wish I could just turn back the hands of time, listen to my mind, know within me that I was strong enough to stand on my own & to trust the signs placed before me.

Now, as I rise in the rebirth of my new found self...I mourn...mourn for the life that could have been. If I could have trusted my own mind to begin with, listened to God's signs placed before me...this may all be just a bad dream now.

I have hopes, dreams, and still believe in true love, one person made just for me, and happily ever afters.

Take me back, wish me back...to a time when things were fresh, new & simple. Back to a teenage girl...unsure & afraid...afraid of her very own shadow...but sure in her mind, which was working in syncronicity with her heart at the time...back to when a ''light'' meant something far greater than it seemed. Different choices, different paths into a life filled with nothing but promises, hopes, dreams & with no reference point of heartache, betrayal & pain.

Simply a boy, meets a girl, with kismet they go onto a life of ''Happily ever after''...even if there were bumps along the path...it would be welcome bliss.

For now...I sit back & mourn the years of yesterdays bad choices, infinitesimal, I THINK NOT. To the daughter I was never able to have & may very well, never come to be...I mourn for your non-existence. And to my son, I only wish you were born into a nicer scenario. I will do what I can, I am re-paving our path to Happily Ever Afterland...and will persevere through the most treacherous of storms...after all, I always pack an umbrella!

Obscured By Clouds

Obscured by clouds...
The dark and dreary days.
Misty hazy moments of precipitation.

When it begins with a brightly lit orb that hangs ever so gently upon the cotton candy clouds that settle on the wind. Then as the day sets in, the clouds transform, fade to gray, and the rumble begins. Will it be the faintest of drizzles that tickle like the whiskers of a kitten? Or will it roll in bearing the darkest of pitch skies, the rumble of thunder, accompanied by flashes of deadly electric light displays?

I wish I knew...
I am obscured by clouds and the misty fog that looms.

Perhaps I will set sail a lovely paper boat in a puddle in their wake?

The Boy Who Would Say ''No''...

There once was a boy...

He was the very happiest of little boys in all the world...born in the land of La Dee Da. His name was Prince Louie! He was the prince of everything in La Dee Da...the land of all things happy & joyful. You see, in the realm of Prince Louie, everything revolved completely around him. The birds rose & sang in the very presence of his loveliness, the flowers bloomed, grass swayed in the direction of each step, in fact, nothing there knew quite what to do without him. You see Louie was the the moon, the sun, the earth & sky to them. Ahhh...the life of a young prince, to be the be all & end all in, his own world of positively perfection & definitely definites!

Yes, everything was loverly, loverly indeed! Until...the one day when the sky was not quite blue enough, the flowers not fully bloomed, the blue bird slept in, and the worm, well lets just say...he was not quite caught that day.

On this day, all was not ''just right''...it was lovely, just not lovely enough...and this he did not like! How could this be? Can this be true? That everything that existed was not all about you? He crumpled his brow & threw up his fist & screamed ''NO! NO! I DO NOT LIKE THIS!'' '' I will not have this, NO!, this will not do! NO!, NO!, NO!, NO! NO!...I do not want to!''

Prince Louie had discovered this ugly word you see...the word with just two letters, but oh so powerful & mean. Could it be, that this wonderfully charming young boy could ever be...this furious young man & at the age of only three. This word that he uttered with such hideous contempt, froze in his mouth, until there was none others left. His ''Yes's'', ''Definitely's'' and ''Maybe's'' were through...it was all ''NO'' now & not one thing would do.

Until Prince Louie had begun to see...that nothing, not one thing was happy with he. They all tried so hard, tried everything to please, to bring smiles & yes's & thank you's & glee. But everything turned sour, he forgot how to smile, until suddenly everything started to scowl. He realized he had not seen a flower in sight, that he began to see that it was not everything, but him who was not quite right. His heart began aching, the tears they did well, in his eyes that showed pain for the wrongs he needed righting & hugs to make up for all of his fighting. How much time he had wasted, on such selfish needs, a need for simply everything he wanted & only for he. He noticed that when this all came to be, was on the day he chose negatively...to use that word ''NO'' so tragically. So, now Louie knew what he had to do...was to turn ''No's'' into ''yes's'' & become tried & true.

So, now that young Louie felt bad for his deeds, he said sorry, gave kissies & huggies with glee. And now things were again La Dee Da...for Prince Louie said ''Yes'' & from now on he'll go far.

The Many Shades of Gray...

The Many Shades of Gray...

Ever analyzed the colors in a rainbow? Concentrate on the many hues & variations of tones...until the details are almost pixelated.

Well, I have, and I do...

A rainbow is more than just a prism of colors in the aftermath of a storm. No...it is of a far greater significance than that. I look at it as a promise...God's promise that there is something far greater on the other side.

I have seen rainbows in my time, the veritable Crayola explosion of color...muted in a mist across the sky. Well, I have seen rainbows...witnessed the warmth of just the idea of them. How the warmth of the sunlight, if you look at it from a dreamers perspective can cast a soft rainbow prism across your life in a way. That light warming & casting color in my imagination...turning flowers to their ever vibrant hues, adding the brightest tone of green to a field of grass, how that light, that ''brilliant'' light...can somehow cause ones heart to warm & beat to a hypnotic, rhythmic drone of happiness.

Of course...in the imagination of a dreamer.

Then, the sun comes out, the clouds make way to reveal the bluest of blue skies...that promise ''somewhat'' revealed.

I have seen rainbows...heard the song that played in it's prism. Yes, I have seen rainbows...felt, smelled, imagined rainbows. The very best part of a rainbow is when it's discovered...and until the tragedy of the harsh daylight fades it's colors & dries up the dew.

Oh yes...I have seen rainbows.

And the many shades of gray that follow in it's wake.

But I know this...the seas will soak up, causing the inevitable common drought, but then the sky will darken, the clouds roll in, the sky will release it's bucket loads of water and maybe...just maybe...that rainbow will emerge & reveal it's radiance once more in the wake of the most treacherous of storms.

I believe in the promise of the rainbow & that God wants to fill our lives with light & song...of what waits on the other side.

Out of the drought comes rain, the rainbow & it's promise, then the brightest explosion of sunlight to shine upon the rose in the desert & nourish it's petals with it's warmth.

Oh yes...I have seen rainbows, and the many shades of gray that follow.

Perhaps...if not to dream...dream of a rainbows hues.

Mobile Blogging...

Hello again, from the darkest depths of the shadowy forest my dear friends....

Me tinks that Ophelia has finally figured out how to blog on the go!

This is my first of many, if this does in fact work!

And away I go...
Flutter! Flutter! Flyyyyy!!!

That which does not kill me...

That which does not kill me, only makes me stronger...
I am faced with adversity & I am standing strong.
Where I once was weak, I now am stronger, stronger than I could have ever imagined.

The love of a mother can not compare.
The love of your child, the little soul who came from inside you, and dug into the depths of your soul, the one who touched your heart in a way that can never be touched.
My child, my son, my life.
I will walk across fire for you, slay dragons for you & give you a life full of love, hope, peace & tranquility, you will feel the love of God through me...your mother.
I will give you all that I am, and help you to be all that you can be.
Guide you, teach you, nurture you in the way that only a mother can know.
I love you my beautiful boy, my love, my Luis.

Until the ends of the earth & until the end of time itself.

"The Book Of My Life"

I just blogged...which I have not done in quite a while. Been in the midst of life's ups & downs, highs & lows. I just realized how good it feels to write. How I feel the heaviness lifted, like when I am at church on Sundays, when I pray to God day in & day out. I do not get to write any longer, as I do not have internet any longer.

A song came to mind & speaks of many things in my life, as songs often do. We all have a soundtrack to our lives & this is one song, in the playlist of my life. The lyrics truly speak to me...in many ways, maybe not all ways...but most.

Enjoy...



Sting
"The Book Of My Life"

Let me watch by the fire and remember my days
And it may be a trick of the firelight
But the flickering pages that trouble my sight
Is a book I'm afraid to write

It's the book of my days, it's the book of my life
And it's cut like a fruit on the blade of a knife
And it's all there to see as the section reveals
There's some sorrow in every life

If it reads like a puzzle, a wandering maze
Then I won't understand 'til the end of my days
I'm still forced to remember,
Remember the words of my life

There are promises broken and promises kept
Angry words that were spoken, when I should have wept
There's a chapter of secrets, and words to confess
If I lose everything that I possess
There's a chapter on loss and a ghost who won't die
There's a chapter on love where the ink's never dry
There are sentences served in a prison I built out of lies.

Though the pages are numbered
I can't see where they lead
For the end is a mystery no-one can read
In the book of my life

There's a chapter on fathers a chapter on sons
There are pages of conflicts that nobody won
And the battles you lost and your bitter defeat,
There's a page where we fail to meet

There are tales of good fortune that couldn't be planned
There's a chapter on god that I don't understand
There's a promise of Heaven and Hell but I'm damned if I see

Though the pages are numbered
I can't see where they lead
For the end is a mystery no-one can read
In the book of my life

Now the daylight's returning
And if one sentence is true
All these pages are burning
And all that's left is you

Though the pages are numbered
I can't see where they lead
For the end is a mystery no-one can read
In the book of my life

On Wing...

Always there in my life...
This dear, sweet, kind, loving soul.
A mother, a sister, a friend.
Every memory of family has you in it...my childhood, my teen years & up until now & always will hold your memory close to my heart. A silent, shy person who stood in the side lines, patient & loving. You may have kept to yourself, and may not always have had a lot to say over the years...but again, you were always there. My beautiful sister-in-law Debbie, much like you...I too do not have alot to say, but your kind & gentle ways speak volumes of the person you are & have always been. I was a baby when you came into our family. Your son & I raised like brother & sister. You took us to concerts, the circus, shared in family traditions with us (baking cookies, making gingerbread houses, dyeing easter eggs, etc.), driving us to school each day & letting us help you on your paper routes as kids :-),the memories are countless, as they are far too many to name. You may have only given birth to 3 beautiful children, whom I might add are all a reflection of your soul...but you mothered your two sister-in-laws as well, and any other child that entered your home. Your ways were undeniably the model of a kind & gentle woman, salt of the earth. I will ALWAYS love you my dearest sister...and hope as you make your journey into Heaven, that you take with you the knowledge in knowing you have touched the lives of everyone who was blessed to know you. I love you Debbie...more than mere words can say. May you have peace & feel the pain of your wretched cancer no more.

Today, the family was together for you...we smiled when we wanted to cry & tried hard to be brave for you, and your loving children.

Merry Christmas Debbie...I love you.

Dust In The Wind...

It has been a long, long while since I have departed from my forest...
Ophelia is still here, but with no internet access to speak of.

I will share a lovely song that most will recall Kansas version of "Dust in The Wind"...but I will share Sarah Brightman's version...which in some ways is nice...but in other ways, there is nothing like the classic, so I may post both. But then again, I cannot find a nice version of the Kansas performance...all live & poor quality.

Perhaps I will depart the dark & looming forest & come into the light of the outside world soon...until then, enjoy this.

Sarah Brightman
"Dust In The Wind"

Ophelia among the Trees...

J.W. Waterhouse "Ophelia"

Hello to anyone out there who may have been following my blog?

I have departed for now, and hope to return to my blog in time.
But for now, Ophelia has departed indefinitely.

This was a lovely place for me to journal online & now I must use actual pages.
I hope to begin drawing sometime again soon...if & when I do, I will post images here so that I may share them with my Blogspot friends.

Until then,
I bid you all a fond adieu....
~Jeanne~
AKA Opheliaaaaaa

Evening...

In a bit of a pensive mood these past few days...
I do not have much to blog about at present time, but still like to share at least a song.

As I said in last night's blog, the weather has changed quite a bit these past few days. We are beginning to see signs of Autumn weather...nice cool breezes, even if they come with a bit of rain, it is still a breeze without a major humidity factor. We will take what we can get here in Miami & I look forward to the cooler days where we can actually wear real clothing & shoes, rather than the Miami wardrobe of flip flops & t-shirts. Perhaps we can have more than 4 or 5 days of winter this year?

Here is the song I am sharing tonight.
The song is by Dead Can Dance "De Profundis"...



Enjoy & Goodnight...........

A walk in the pale moonlight...

I was outside this evening, just for a few minutes. I had hoped to stay outside a bit longer & thought of perhaps even writing a blog outside by the lake I live on. Of course, one thing led to another with dishes, laundry, straightening up the house. And to top it off, my little lakeside buddy (my sonny boy Luisito...my little Lovey) decided to settle down early. Sighhh...so there goes my lakeside companion. Funny how it is impossible some days to find even just a few minutes to just stop & smell the air & take a brief glimpse at the night's sky. My life is a bit busy and stressful these days, with very little time for just down time. I have been reflecting alot on writing & drawing & somehow cannot stop long enough to do so.

I need for the roller coaster to come to a stop, so that I might get off! I was never really a fan of roller coasters & somehow feel like I live on one most days.

Might step outside my front door & at least smell the air...and keep my ear to the door for my sonny's call.

But on second thought, between the gecko's & the mosquito's, I may just stay in. Although, what a waste of a lovely stormy autumn night. The air is crisp with the rich smell of the earth & rain from this evening's rainfall.

Maybe before I turn in, which may be a while from now, as I seldom sleep anymore...I may say goodnight to the moon & the stars & promise them to visit with them perhaps tomorrow night.

Goodnight...............

And a lovely song to lull the world to sleep......

Cocteau Twins
"The Itchy Glowbo Blow"

Sending out an S.O.S.

Just a video tonight...
a classic to some.

Sting's acoustic performance of the hit song by his old band The Police ~ "Message In A Bottle"



♪ I'll send an S.O.S. to the world......
I hope that someone get's my message in a bottle ♫

Rainy ☂

Feeling kinda stormy & tired tonight...
Going to sit amongst my unfinished works & decide which one to work on.

Got my galoshes & raincoat on...gonna fight off the storm that is brewing inside.

Maybe, just maybe I will finish something tonight.
Goodnight.....

A rain song...
Only one I can think of?

Before, After & In Progress...

Since I mentioned in last night's blog, that I have a difficult time coloring in my pen & ink drawings... I decided it might be interesting to show my drawings with & without color. So tonight I collected all of my works, before & after (since I always make copies before I color them in, just in case of mess-ups!). Now, mind you...I have done this all within the past hour. :) So I broke out the old camera & took pictures of them all...and even my in progress works. I do not usually show anything until I feel it is finished & to my liking, but I will throw caution to the wind & show them anyways. I made a little slideshow...hope you like! My In Progress Cello Girl & Little Elf Girl are a few of the unfinished works. Enjoy...

And a song...goes quite nicely with the slideshow!

The Art Files

Just something to add to the Art Files...
I have been working on this one piece lately that I am rather fond of. It is rather dreamy, well at least to me. I am not sure what type of background to draw? Should I draw a sunset sky, a forest, clouds...I never have been much of a background person. But it is very ornate already. With my usual vinelike filigree, draping fabric & my favorite use of colors...very earthy jewel tones. It is a drawing I never colored in. As it always feels like a sin to deface a black & white pen & ink drawing with color. But I do know that it takes on a whole new life once the color is added. I somehow like to stare at the black & white version & imagine the possibilities, rather than adding actual color to the piece. But I suppose that it would be incomplete? So I do, as I know I must, which is color it!

The subject matter is rather romantic, a man & woman embracing...She with a delicate veil draped over her, twists in her long wavy hair, and she is seemingly an instrument of sorts...a violin or a cello since she is upright. I thought of perhaps adding a bow (for him to play her)? She is his muse, his instrument and they are to play in unison together, in perfect harmony. There is draping fabric hanging from a nearby tree & she sits upon a table in his embrace.

I will finish it soon! I was going to try to finish it tonight, but became a bit distracted & lost track of time.

I must be off to bed soon & may wind down a bit by drawing a little before I turn in for the night.

I will post images just as soon as it is completed. I am working on this one & The Elf simultaneously.

Goodnight...................

and a song to add as well

Me & my lovey...

I just came across this photograph from when my son was around 6 months old...almost 2 & a half years ago now. It is amazing how fast he has grown up! I just wanted to share the photograph.

His name is Luis (named after my father), but I call him Lovey, my little monkey.